is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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