She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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