im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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