i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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