I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
