I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
