....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
and she was petting her beer can
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
