I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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