Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
