the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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