If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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