last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize