I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
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