I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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