did you get engaged???
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
