I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
