too bad you live with your parents still
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
