we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
