I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
