Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize