So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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