Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
