I can text with my tongue
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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