you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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