suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
