Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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