quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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