a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Randomize
