I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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