Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
