my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
