You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
i've created a new STD.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
