So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
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but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
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It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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