and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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