My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
