I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
