The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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