Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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