regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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