you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
