You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
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