you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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