i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
