remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
