I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
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I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
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