Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize