ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
where are my eyebrows?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
