Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
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Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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