If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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