when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
