he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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