We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
