the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
