Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
