your thong is hanging out like whoa
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
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